Intent versus impact: We’ve all been caught saying or doing something that produces an effect so very different – in a not so good or even very bad way – from the one we intended. This happens with friends, family (perhaps especially partners), colleagues, acquaintances, and complete strangers.
In an earlier post, I wrote about using the gap between what we intended and the actual impact to motivate change, to motivate developing the ability to align our impact more closely with our intent.
In this post, I’m taking a look at some factors that can create the gap. In a future post, I’ll look at ways to chip away at the gap.
What creates the gap between intent and impact?
Where one’s intent is positive but the impact is not what was intended, there are several possible sources for the gap. These can include one or more of these.
Sometimes we just don’t know. For example, I might be ignorant of important context or background, whether cultural or circumstantial. Relatedly, I might be acting out of preconceptions, or incorrect conceptions (this includes prejudice and bias).
Sometimes we focus on the wrong thing. For example, I might be so focused on my own perspective that I forget to take others’ into account. I might also be more focused on speaking than listening, and so do not hear important pieces.
We might be in reaction. That is, I might be emotionally triggered, reacting rather than responding. In that reaction, I can easily (if temporarily) lose track of my intent. If I’m reacting in this way, I’m also replaying past experiences and patterns.
We may just be learning. So, I may be making use of a skill I’m working on developing that’s not yet at the level needed for the situation. I’m present, I’m responding, I am doing my best to be aware, but something goes awry anyway.
What happens next?
One of the first things that we’d LIKE to happen is that we notice that there was a gap, that our impact is misaligned with our intent.
This requires the development of a very specific skill set: self-awareness and self-reflection. Ask yourself whether that had the impact you wanted, then notice how you feel, what you see and feel from others. (Note: this is not the only circumstance where these skills are useful!)
With those skills, we are in a good position to begin narrowing that gap.
Looking Further
Intent vs. Impact: Narrowing the Gap (Part 1) Why my intent matters to me as a motivator to adjust impact.
Intent vs. Impact: Does Intent Really Not Matter? This gives an internal family systems perspective on ways to develop self-awareness and self-reflection in this intent-impact context.
